I think it's pretty much a known fact that I do not want children. In fact most children I can't even tolerate being around. My fiance on the other hand wants children, if the situation is right. He's accepted the fact that I don't want children, but I often think about how important it could end up being to him. I've tossed around the idea of just having one. But I always worry I'll resent the child or hate it. Or even worse- I'll hate him for making me have one.
This post secret card kind of sums all of that up. I see us being career driven. I know a lot of people still think that having children is the next logical step after getting married, but I disagree. It's okay to be an educated woman who would rather have success that kids. On the other hand it's okay to be an educated woman with a career and kids. I just don't see myself in the latter.
Image via Postsecret - an online confession of postcards updated every Sunday.
4 comments:
I'm in your boat, sort of. Kids just seem like a distraction from my life. Most parents I know live 20 or so years through their kids. Call me selfish, but I will want to focus on myself and my wife.
If I can butt in with some assvice - I suggest you and your fiance talk about this openly and honestly before you walk down the aisle. This topic has the potential (and has) to break marriages apart. It's going to be vital that you're both on the same page, whether that page is to not have any, or to keep an open mind and see how your lives unfold. Otherwise, the chances of there being resentment, guilt, dissatisfaction and disillusionment are incredibly high.
Been there, done that...
We've been together for three years and it's come up more time than I can count. I told him way before we even hit the one year mark that if he want kids to walk away now and that I would understand.
But everytime he says "maybe" it freaks me out. I'm terrified that my "biological clock" will really start ticking or that he'll be sneaky and convince me to do it.
Only time will tell. But for now we are at least a decade before discussion would be considered.
let me tell you a story.
my bff never wanted kids. it was well known and documented. she married someone who did want children. she worked out a "deal" with him...when she got a convertable, she'd pop out a baby. (she's really not that vapid, but i know it doesn't make her sound too good.)
so, a couple years, pass, she gets the car, she has a baby.
Baby S is the most adorable sweet little girl, and my friend does love her daughter. but SEVERLY resents her husband for "doing that to her." even though, she reluctently agreed.
baby S is 1 and half years old. my bff and her husband have not had sex since she got pregnant. if you do the math, that's nearly 2 and half years of a sex-less marriage.
she's even told me she is deliberately withholding sex from him because she does not want to get pg again. every time i talk to her, she has something else negative to say about him.
honestly, i give them less than 3 years before their marriage falls apart.
i URGE you to discuss this openly and honestly with your fiance. you're both fairly young, and i'm willing to bet a little unsure as to what marriage actually means. the only solace i take from your difference in opinion when it comes to children, is taht you're marriage is still 2 years away. maybe, jsut maybe...you'll both wake up and realize it's not worth it.
take a gander at Trouble in Paradise over on the nest. every single day, there is a post about "my husband wants kids...i don't...what do we do?" if you do not come to agreement or resolve this issue, you will end up there too.
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